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Friday, June 19, 2009

False Accusations of Death Threats Arising From The Tubesock Holocaust

Jill Stanek
Pro Life Pulse

Dear Nurse Stanek,

I have to admit I was very surprised to learn that you are telling people I had threatened your life. Certainly, there was nothing in my email that could even remotely be taken as a threat against you--unless, of course, a sentence fragment was taken completely out of context. And that's what happened.

But why? Why would a fellow warrior in the compelled childbirth movement do that? Well, I don't think you did it intentionally. I'm guessing you never received the email I copied you. Instead, it was intercepted by someone, the same person who passed the sentence fragment onto you, Pastor Tim.

Obviously, if that's the case, he must hate the pre-born. That'd explain why he's trying to cause a rift between us, two of the nations greatest forced pregnancy activists. But again, why?

Perhaps it is because he participates in the greatest slaughter of them all, the Tube Sock Holocaust. It makes sense if you think about it. He looks like a masturbator. He looks like the kind of man who'd leave billions of our tiniest citizens, the Spermatazoan-Americans to die of dehydration in a cotton desert.

And it's not just him. I've said it before. His associate pastors look kind of "funny" too.

We've got to do something about it. We've got to stop him, and I think you know how to do it.

In my last email--the one that was intercepted before you could receive it--I congratulated you for responding to Dr. Tiller's assassination by linking to a targeting site that posted pictures of another OB/GYN, his wife, and his daughter along with their work and home addresses.

You should consider doing the same for Pastor Tim and his assistants. Here's a graphic you can use:


All you need to add are their names and addresses along with some very strong, hate-inspiring rhetoric and you'll be set. Just think of how many Spermatazoan-Americans we could be saving here!

Heterosexually yours in a chaste, biblical, and little-Spermy-protecting kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

8 comments:

  1. Jesus, General..., don't you think MF might be more appropriate? The more sensitive could pretend it stands for MisFits.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I suggest you turn the blog over to Mac and Sheila and hide out in the hills until the heat dies down.

    How could she so misunderstandimate you?

    ReplyDelete
  3. General, Sir:

    I know that the TSH is a horror that you and all of your adherents of the GC(Cubed)R will never stop trying to stem. I wonder if it might not be a good idea to put out some disinformation in this effort.

    If we could trick the jerkoffofascists into wrapping their tube sock around one of the nifty little pint-size quilted Mason Jelly Jars (on the pretext that it will save on laundering--and keep mom from coming across our--I mean their-- dirty little secret) then have them store the sock-wrapped jar in the cellar--right on their altar to mAnn Coulter and Michelle Melikesomelongdong--why it will be Chanticleer Coup d'etat! Not only will the SpurtoWarriors™©® be saved from a horrible death, but the natural wicking action of the cotton will keep the jars cool and the li'l guys in good shape until they can be moved to the NSBD (National Snowflake Baby Depository) in Utahan Orin's Hatch, I meant Orin Hatch's Utah, Sir. Yes, that's exactly what I meant.

    BTW, Sir; does this mean you'll be needing the Command Vehicle tuned and ready for rapid deployment? Because if you do I would suggest cutting a check for $178,362.97 to cover the costs of unmothballing and suchlike.

    ReplyDelete
  4. All I can say is, those are the freakin most adorable sperms I've ever seen.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Is it OK to freeze tubesocks?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Our priest holds an annual "Blessing of the Tube Socks" at Our Lady of Super Holy Manliness in Gall Bladders, Idaho. It's a pretty big deal, even though he and I are the only ones who ever show up.

    ++++

    ReplyDelete
  7. General Sir!

    Clearly, Pastor Tim is threatened by your obvious authority and leadership skills in our glorious war against the LiberoIslamifascistcommunisthippies. Some people, and Pastor Tim must be one of them, know that they have only the talent to get so far, and then it's Who You Know that gets you further. And I think we all know WYK is!

    That's why he has taken to sabotaging your budding relationship with Good Sister Stank. [Oh, did I say that?]

    Stay The Course, General! Keep writing to the Good Sister in this Holy War we are waging! Sooner or later, she is bound read all of a message in its entirety and context.

    She'll be as pleased as punch to finally be able to understand what you are telling her.

    ReplyDelete

We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.